I am a stay-at-home mom… my third time around in that role. Unlike the first couple of times ~ a year after the birth of my daughter, and 12 years after the birth of my son ~ this time wasn’t voluntary. I went back to working in an office when my kids were teens, and after being at that particular job for about four years, I was laid off. That was more than 18 months ago.
When my kids were young, I could fill our days with trips to the park. I’d plan fun crafty activities, we’d build couch-cushion forts and have picnics in the living room, I’d hide little gifts for them and draw treasure maps… I was a fun mom.
Now, my oldest is weeks away from 22, and my baby just turned 18. Forts and Perler Beads just don’t entertain like they used to.
They have their own plans, I have my own pastimes…. and I have housework.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a terrible housekeeper. Any given morning you’ll find dirty dishes from last night’s dinner in the sink. Piles mountains of clothes will stay unfolded on the couch for days. I rarely mop, and periodic dust bunnies will float to the floor from fuzz covered ceiling fans.
My house is lived-in. Even if I go on a manic tangent and clean from top to bottom, end to end, within half a day my house will look like it did before I started. I can say that my house is NOT filthy, it’s more accurately chaotically cluttered.
Saying all that, I still get apoplectic sometimes just thinking about how all of the chores inside the house (and a few outside) are by default entirely my job. Four people live in my house, four adults if we’re being precise.
Why should I be expected to be the only one washing clothes and dishes, vacuuming up pet hair from animals that are technically not even mine, caring for said pets, cooking all the meals, paying bills, mowing lawns, blah, blah, blah…
I give credit to my husband. He works very hard at his job. But it wouldn’t break him to scoop out the litter boxes on the weekends, or switch a load of wet clothes from the washer to the dryer in the mornings… or at least do it without acting like I’m a gulag commandant, or completely incompetent.
My kids know how to do dishes and laundry, but if I rely on them no one would have clean underwear and we’d eat off paper plates ad nauseam. Those pets? Yeah, they belong to kids who swore they’d take full responsibility for feeding and cleaning up after them…. lasted two days, tops!
If something doesn’t get cleaned, fed, or fixed, somehow it’s all my fault.
So you know I’m not a complete shrew, I do tell my husband ‘thank you’ all the time. I spread the appreciation around to my kids too. I’d just like to have a little gratitude back every so often.
When I’m being all introspective I tell myself it’s reasonable. I’m home all day, I should be in charge of the house. Hubs brings home the bacon, I fry it up in a pan. But, day-um it gets old after a while.
*Here I was just yesterday saying I wanted this space to be ‘brighter and hopeful.’ Eh, tomorrow. Tomorrow it’ll be back to unicorns and rainbows, today I’m gonna bitch.
Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.
Thin spiral notebook 
I so feel your pain. It’s turning me into a nagging wench, because I complain about it all the time. My ‘job’ would be so much easier if these lazy ingrates would just pick up after themselves. Wash their cereal bowl after using it. Throw away food wrappers. Wipe up the tea that they ALWAYS drip on the floor while pouring. And my husband is included in that! Oh and the pets? They would be nothing but skeletal remains, if left up to them. It makes no difference if I work 40 hours per week or none, it’s all up to me.
Grrr!
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I feel like at this point, it’s time for you to stop doing some stuff and start doling out a chore list- when I was 22 and living at home I had a list I had to do. My mom always said “This isn’t a hotel, don’t treat it like one.” You deserve a break!
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I don’t want a wife, just a housekeeper. I work full time outside the home. My husband has never, ever helped with the house and rarely the kids. He runs a business and that’s his priority and apparently it’s such hard work that by the time he gets home, it’s all he can do to plop in chair, the poor thing can barely hold the remote by himself but somehow he manages (sarcasm). Meanwhile, I drive 45 minutes each way (he drives 10 minutes), run the kids to whichever activity they have for the night, attempt to at least pick up the house (god forbid I dust or sweep or mop) and make sure we each have at least one clean outfit for the next day. I just want a housekeeper.
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Visiting from PYHO. I need a wife too!!!
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I’m here from PYOH….I love this post and can totally relate. I work part time and still have to do all that and my kids ages are spread (18-5, there are 6 of them). And I get on tangents where I love it and I don’t care if they help clean, just help keep it clean (make sense there??) and then there are the days where I’m completely overwhelmed by it all and literally feel like I’m begging for help. Maybe I’m at fault for confusing them…I want to be able to do it all and try. But when I fail at it, it makes me crazy and then I hate it and yell.
See, I’m confusing myself too hahaha
Can you just share your wife with me when you find her?
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My husband and I both work outside of the home so dividing equally gets really tricky. He is more than helpful but housework is just not my favorite thing to do. Laudry gives me anxiety because it is never ending–always piling up. Just like you, I will go on a cleaning tagent for it to look just like before!
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I feel ya! Both hubby and I work outside of the home so juggling can be a little tricky. He is very helpful but I still feel overwhelmed about the house especially laundry. Just like you, I can go on a wild tangent but little clutter critters seem to come out and bring stuff with them. Ah well. One thing I have been doing is less tangets and more daily little cleaning!
http://www.peacefuldivas.com
visiting from PYHO
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Amen sister!
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Preach! Preach!
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It really does get OLD. I’d like some help. I’d take it in the form of a wife!
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