I am a stay-at-home mom… my third time around in that role. Unlike the first couple of times ~ a year after the birth of my daughter, and 12 years after the birth of my son ~ this time wasn’t voluntary. I went back to working in an office when my kids were teens, and after being at that particular job for about four years, I was laid off. That was more than 18 months ago.
When my kids were young, I could fill our days with trips to the park. I’d plan fun crafty activities, we’d build couch-cushion forts and have picnics in the living room, I’d hide little gifts for them and draw treasure maps… I was a fun mom.
Now, my oldest is weeks away from 22, and my baby just turned 18. Forts and Perler Beads just don’t entertain like they used to.
They have their own plans, I have my own pastimes…. and I have housework.
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a terrible housekeeper. Any given morning you’ll find dirty dishes from last night’s dinner in the sink. Piles mountains of clothes will stay unfolded on the couch for days. I rarely mop, and periodic dust bunnies will float to the floor from fuzz covered ceiling fans.
My house is lived-in. Even if I go on a manic tangent and clean from top to bottom, end to end, within half a day my house will look like it did before I started. I can say that my house is NOT filthy, it’s more accurately chaotically cluttered.
Saying all that, I still get apoplectic sometimes just thinking about how all of the chores inside the house (and a few outside) are by default entirely my job. Four people live in my house, four adults if we’re being precise.
Why should I be expected to be the only one washing clothes and dishes, vacuuming up pet hair from animals that are technically not even mine, caring for said pets, cooking all the meals, paying bills, mowing lawns, blah, blah, blah…
I give credit to my husband. He works very hard at his job. But it wouldn’t break him to scoop out the litter boxes on the weekends, or switch a load of wet clothes from the washer to the dryer in the mornings… or at least do it without acting like I’m a gulag commandant, or completely incompetent.
My kids know how to do dishes and laundry, but if I rely on them no one would have clean underwear and we’d eat off paper plates ad nauseam. Those pets? Yeah, they belong to kids who swore they’d take full responsibility for feeding and cleaning up after them…. lasted two days, tops!
If something doesn’t get cleaned, fed, or fixed, somehow it’s all my fault.
So you know I’m not a complete shrew, I do tell my husband ‘thank you’ all the time. I spread the appreciation around to my kids too. I’d just like to have a little gratitude back every so often.
When I’m being all introspective I tell myself it’s reasonable. I’m home all day, I should be in charge of the house. Hubs brings home the bacon, I fry it up in a pan. But, day-um it gets old after a while.
*Here I was just yesterday saying I wanted this space to be ‘brighter and hopeful.’ Eh, tomorrow. Tomorrow it’ll be back to unicorns and rainbows, today I’m gonna bitch.
Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.
Thin spiral notebook 
I’m horrible at keeping house, too. But you’re right – having someone at least OFFER to help is enough to change your attitude towards it. *hugs*
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If you are anything like me, they all know that you won’t allow things to go un-done. That’s why dishes get done, because I can’t stand looking at them. The kids and husband can wait me out longer than I can stand it. I do delegate some chores when I head off to work. They know they have to do it before I get back (which means as long as they do it before then, it can stay dirty all day).
They will NEVER volunteer, though.
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I can’t stand to clean and keep up with the house. It is a full time job and it drives me nuts! Add to it two little kids and my responsibilities for them…I have no hope!
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You could move to Utah and marry a polygamist. then there would be many wives, to share the many duties. Ahem.
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This post really hit home. I am feeling the same exact way. I am a newly SAHM to a 3 year old and 8 week old. And I feel like I should be doing more. But let’s face it, just entertaining the kids is enough sometimes! I need to stop feeling guilty about not keeping up with the cleaning and just enjoy the precious time I get to spend with my kids!
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Growing up in a large family I feel like we were always doing chores. I hated it at the time but I’m grateful for it now. I think it will be a hard thing to make my boys help out around the house. Even now, my almost four year old acts as if I’m asking him to do the impossible when I insist he cleans up his blocks. I just recently went back to work after a year of maternity leave. While I could see how all the housework was my job then, I question my husband these days when he still expects me to do it all myself. I feel your pain.
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I know how you feel. I’m home all day and should do a lot more when it comes to cleaning, but it would be nice to have my husband and kids help out more without nagging.
Stopping by from Pour Your Heart Out.
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I feel the same way most days. I opted to stay at home after I retired, but honestly, I almost liked it better when I worked – at least I didn’t have to cook dinner every night.
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I’m a damn good wife to Bobina.
I’m clean/neat. It’s part of the robot-human hydrid program. The 4 women I live with are not. The thing is Bobina is a better housekeeper than I am. She works hard like I do. When she comes home she likes to unwind for a while. She cooks, I grill. We share dealing with the kids and animals. When she does clean, things are spotless. She’s just not anal retentive and crazy like I am.
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My children are young, but I still feel your pain!
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