Do they have an app for that?

I have a horrible memory. It doesn’t matter if I try to remember events from my childhood, or high school, even college or two weeks ago. What I think I remember may not be an actual memory. I might be remembering family stories or making up my own from old photos.

When I was very young, our family would vacation in the Smokies in a little A-frame cabin near Townsend. I want to say I remember that. The musty smells, the soft clay slit of the river bank, the fireflies at night. But I can’t be sure it’s not just a created memory from looking through old albums.

I do have many fond memories of the cars in my life. From my Dad’s Corvair, to the family Pontiac, to my ’67 Mustang (my first car), to the ’74 Charger SE The Mister had when we started dating (bench front seat – ’nuff said.) I think I will also remember the first cars both of the children had too. The College Kid was given a ’03 Dodge Neon 5-speed for her 16th birthday, and The Boy got a ’90 Plymouth Laser RS as his first project car.

It bothers me that there are huge gaps in my memory, but it’s nothing new.

One of The Mister’s co-worker and his wife recently moved, and we helped him with a couple of garage sales. The Mister mentioned CW’s pet bird, a big exotic thing like a macaw or parrot. I didn’t know he had a bird… but I should have.

When this guy first moved to the area, he stayed with us for about a week. Not only did I not remember the bird he had with him, I didn’t remember that he was a house guest for seven days. Nothing, nada, zilch.

I have vague memories of little things from my first pregnancy, like what I was doing when I first felt The College Kid kick, but I’m sorry to say I can’t say the same about The Boy. (I was watching a Lady Vols basketball game on TV, lying on the couch rubbing my buddha belly lamenting “that at 17 weeks I should have felt her kick by now.”)

Granted, parents do tend to be less vigilant with their second child, but there are milestones I don’t remember about either of my kids, but especially my youngest. (I do remember that The Boy took his first steps on Father’s Day when he was about a year old.)

If only there were blogs back in the day. Parents today can record everything. They can keep photos and videos along with written accounts of all those childhood landmarks in one, archived, easy to access, location. Baby albums and scrapbooks just can’t record everything like an online journal can.

I started my first blog in 2007. My kids were 14 and 18, well beyond that cute toddler stage, but still of an age that I can enjoy going back through my old posts to read their stories.

In those five years, they both earned their high school diplomas, one graduated college and started grad school. One overcame some serious hurdles and is making his way toward independence and adulthood. They accomplished so many amazing things, and their futures are wide open in front of them. If one day I can’t remember these stories, then I can at least read about them again.

Still… I do wish I remembered more about their early years. I have a ton of photos, so I can look back and hopefully have my brain jump started. It’s just not the same though, and it makes me very sad.

Author: Tara R.

I believe all good fiction includes an element of truth, and all good photography includes an element of fantasy. In this journal I hope to give voice to the stories swirling around in my head, and to capture the images I see through my camera’s lens.

5 thoughts

  1. Morning T
    I go back and forth a lot about how much I write down about the twins, about how I “journal” that…the Kir Corner is not really about them and I’ve been thinking of getting another blog for my writing and keeping the corner for them for the reasons you mention. Even with them at 4, sometimes, I forget what they did or said yesterday, I am sad that I can’t remember “EVERYTHING” right now, what will happen when they are 12, 16, 18..etc. It’s an honest question, and since my blog was started with the hope of being able to conceive and welcome a baby (and I got 2) it’s truly only fair that some of the corner…belong to them.

    thank you for giving me more to consider. ( and maybe help me think of another name for my other blog??? 🙂

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  2. Memory is such a fickle thing. When Scott’s grandmother died, each of the grandkids was supposed to write down one unique memory about her to be read at the funeral. Scott had zero. I plumbed the depths of his mind and the best he could come up with was his coin collection that she sent him additions to. He didn’t remember that he is autistic until his mother came forward with his therapy dates AFTER our daughter’s diagnosis. (Note – the autism and the memory problem aren’t necessarily related – it’s just hilarious that he would not remember such a huge important thing about himself.) And why did his mother wait until after our daughter was diagnosed to come forward? BECAUSE IT DIDN’T OCCUR TO HER THAT IT MIGHT BE RELEVANT. (Note – THAT is a product of autism. She’s never been formally diagnosed, but if she’s not, then I’m a munchkin)

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  3. that picture, Tar Rah is extreme cuteness times a thousand.

    I’m not a nostalgic person. I’d rather think about tomorrow than yesterday. since my middle daughter’s early years were spent with another woman in a horrible marriage and divorce, I tend to put them in a box.

    Music, books, movies, sometimes things I write will spark memories. Its odd how they flow out like a breaking dam.

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