“She had to know she’d cause a scandal,” Ralf paced across the porch, stopping occasionally to peel chips of paint from the dilapidated railing. “The Family couldn’t allow it.”
Hilda, Ralf’s common-law wife, was on the porch swing, a bowl of estate jewelry in her lap, meticulously prying gems out of their settings with a rusty pair of needle-nose pliers. Later, she’d melt the precious metal into one-ounce ingots.
“Maybe it’s just a phase.” Ralf raked long, tapering fingers through his wild, salt and pepper hair.
Sighing heavily, Hilda put down her tools, and set aside the bowl of deconstructed jewelry, patting the bench for Ralf to join her. Sitting down, he leaned over to lay his head on her shoulder. Pulling him in close, Hilda engulfed him in both arms.
Hilda stroked Ralf’s head, “she got in with that college crowd, and they turned her against us, convinced her the Family’s immoral.”
Ralf buried his face in the hollow of Hilda’s neck and began to cry softly.
Carrie, their only daughter and Family outcast, found them there when she came out of their house. All her clothes and belongings were packed into two worn, but sturdy leather duffel bags.
Ralf stood up, wiping his wet face on his T-shirt. Hilda went back to her work, ignoring Carrie.
“You’re leaving?” Ralf’s voice was thick with emotion.
“I have to,” Carrie shifted from one foot to the other. “Family Elders made it clear I’m not welcome.”
“You’re such a disappointment,” Hilda wouldn’t look at her. “You’ve rejected everything we’ve taught you, you’ve rejected us.”
Carrie shook her head, counting to ten before responding.
“I love you, I reject the Family,” Carrie pleaded. “I can’t keep lying and stealing. I want real friends, a real future. I’m tired of pulling up roots every time police discover the Family has infiltrated their town.”
Carrie picked up her bags, and descended the stairs. “Call me when you can,” and she was gone.
Trifecta, a weekly one-word prompt, challenges writers to use that word in its third definition form, using no less than 33 words or no more than 333. The week’s prompt is: Scandal [noun \ˈskan-dəl] 3: a circumstance or action that offends propriety or established moral conceptions or disgraces those associated with it
For Story Dam, an online writing community offering weekly and monthly writing prompts. This week’s theme is: change and transformation
Thin spiral notebook 
Makes me think of gypsies. Like JesterQueen, I love the idea that the scandalous person is the law abiding individual 🙂
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I loved this scene. The little details like the paint chipping and the rusty needle-nose pliers really helped sell the setting.
My suggestion would be to put a break or a bigger space between the shift in the point of view so to prepare the reader for when Carrie enters the scene, or try to restructure it so it’s all from her point of view. I would like to see more of the impact this has on her. There’s more showing about the emotional state of her parents. Her emotions, state of mind, appears to be absent. Why does she count to 10? Is she going to say something mean or hurtful? Is she searching for words to answer with?
Your voice is perfect for this, and again, I love the small details about their surroundings. Well done!
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It takes courage for her to leave her family and ‘The Family’. I can see why it would seem like a scandal to them.
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I love it. I was thinking about you and how you always have so many amazing stories and how you do such a great job with so many different variations and themes, yet they’re all so powerful. You have an amazing talent, but I’m with the others who want to hear more of the individual stories. You always leave me hungry!
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Nice twist! That she’s allowed to leave — well, I guess they don’t go after the kids.
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I thought it was about some kind of cult, ala the Westboro Baptist Church, or some sort of FLDS-style polygamous cult. This is a great story. Really well-written. I really enjoyed this one.
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This brought to mind a gypsy lifestyle, though really it could be a number of variations. The dual scandal is pretty impressive, one for Carrie leaving, the other for the family not recognizing what they are.
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GO Carrie! I absolutely love the way you have turned the entire concept of scandal on its head, so that a lawful person is a scandal.
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Thanks so much for participating in Story Dam’s prompt this week. I love your use of it; great combination with Trifecta’s prompt. A scandal is a great catalyst for a sudden and difficult change as this describes. I enjoyed reading it very much.
I was trying to see what could be improved and honestly I couldn’t find anything except that I wanted a little more of it than there was. I think I wanted to know more about “the Family” although I got the sense that they were Gypsy like. I think I just wanted more in general and that is actually a good thing because it means you wet my appetite with this story. 😀
Can’t wait to read more of your stories in the future.
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It’s a scandal your works are not published on my bedroom wall, where I can read them whenver I wish.
When I worked as reporter I did a story on travelers/Irish con artists, that were running a house roofing scam in a town near Birmingham, Al. This brought back memories.
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