Spent about an hour last night reading through some old posts from an idle blog of mine. I used to write a lot about the initial onset of my son’s mental health issues, about the guilt I felt about not being able to do much to help him, and general all around ranting and raving.
I was one very angry woman. A year, 18 months ago, I was in a perpetual state of being homicidally pissed off at everyone and everything.
That seems like a lifetime ago.
My son was going through a transition. He was forced to drop out of school and was in a very scary place where we couldn’t reach him.
Back then I was constantly on the verge of tears. I felt powerless to help my son. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, only stumbling blocks and pitfalls. I was lost in my sorrow and impotence.
That was then…
Today, my son is attending technical school to learn a trade, he is managing his disorder and is talking about moving out to live on his own. And, I don’t feel like I need to hit something all the time. Life is still a struggle sometimes, but it’s okay. We’re learning, and growing, and making our way as best as we can.
My son is smiling again, and I can breathe again.
When I meet other parents who are just starting on this journey, receiving a diagnosis that changes their child’s life and their own, I can confidently say, ‘it will get better.’ It may not seem that way right now, but they too will see that light some day soon.
You will all learn to cope, even thrive. You will find a way to carry on and hope won’t be an inconceivable concept any longer. There may even be laughter again. It may not be today, or even tomorrow, but it will happen.
I promise…
Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.
Thin spiral notebook 
So glad you have found a better place. It sucks to be in such a funk all the time. (Granted I’ve not been in your shoes, but in my own way and issues, I can relate…I think…maybe?)
Either way, I’m glad things are going well. 🙂
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Oh, I remember all those posts. I’m so glad I’ve been reading all the good things going on for him. Hooray!
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I love this post. In the midst … of our own journey now. As much as I say, “I’m ok – I’m not always.” and it is still a day to day sort of thing. Great post.
And I’m thrilled about your son’s progress.
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I am thrilled to read this. I remember reading those posts and the “ray of light” posts when he started technical school. I am thrilled that he’s doing better and that you are thriving too.
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i didn’t know this…it’s beautiful to be able to feel non-homicidal, isn’t it? it gets better is sometimes the only thing that needs saying.
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There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel and I am happy to hear you’re feeling better, your son is better, everythings just improved.
As you know I am not a parent, so I don’t know much about kids but I do know that your kids are lucky to have a mom like you and sometimes life is a struggle. An a**hole even but you give them love and you want to help them. That’s all they need to know.
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Wow. I am SO happy to hear how much things have changed in such a short time, Tara.
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I’m really happy for you! As a mom, I can understand how scary it is to not get through!
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I just wrote a post for tomorrow about where my son has come since leaving high school. I know your son’s and my son’s issues are different, but I always saw a few similarities in them. When you started writing about your son’s successes, it gave me hope. It’s taking my boy a little longer to find his way, but he’s getting there. Thank you for sharing both your joys and sorrows. It has helped me to continue to believe my boy will get to where he needs to go.
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I’m so glad that you can look back at that time and know he is healing now. That’s awesome! I can so relate to all of these emotions! For so long worrying and studying and doing everything in my ability to help my so was my life. but, recently I see he needs me less. It’s a weird emotion.
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