When my son was about six months old he was seriously injured. For the purpose of this post, it’s not important what his injuries were or the details of his accident. (That, and 18 years later it’s still unbearably painful to relive the event.)
As a result, a frantic drive to our local infirmary followed by a siren-blaring ambulance race to a larger, pediatric hospital was necessary.
Because of his tender age, and severity of his injuries, he was admitted and remained at the hospital for about two weeks. Fortunately for me, since I was still nursing him, the hospital allowed in-room stays for parents.
In the meantime, my husband and four-year-old daughter stayed at home, some 90 miles away.
Our son was eventually discharged and sent home, in the hopes that he would begin the long recovery and healing process. After a few weeks it was clear that he wouldn’t be able to improve on his own and he returned to the hospital for surgery and another two week stay.
During this time, my husband was virtually a single parent trying to work full-time and care for a pre-schooler. He would drive the two hours to the hospital several times a week and on weekends to give me a break, and so he could be with our son and I could be with our daughter.
He was exhausted.
A college friend and his wife – a former roommate, definitely someone my husband felt close to and had helped out on several occasions – lived in the same town where the hospital was located.
After one particularly long day at the hospital, my husband had contacted this friend asking if he and our daughter could come by to visit and have a place to get some sleep for a couple of hours before making the drive home.
These friends, people who we should have been able to depend on in this time of need, denied my husband’s request. The excuse was that the wife would be uncomfortable with my husband and daughter sleeping there. I was stunned, and hurt beyond reason. It was a simple request, something I wouldn’t think twice about offering to do for friends in a similar situation.
To this day, I can’t forgive them for turning their back on us when we needed them most.
Day 13 – 30 Days of Shamelessness: speak up about something crap that was done to you
Thin spiral notebook 
I can’t imagine turning away a friend during such a time of need!
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I was always the go-to person, & then once I experienced brain atrophy I discovered many “friends” were very comfortable~ when they needed a place to stay, a shoulder, or a helping hand…~calling me, but not getting that call FROM me. I so know what you mean.
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i can’t even wrap my mind around the fact that someone would do that to a so called friend. that is absolutely awful. i really am floored. i am so sorry that happened to you mama, and to your hubs. i am glad that you both have better friends now- with “friends” like that, who needs enemies? jeeeze!
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Seriously? People would do that? Ugh. Reason why I don’t like people #5254755. Boo. Did you ever talk to them again after that? I would have such a hard time forgiving them. So glad that your son DID recover, however!
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I don’t blame you a bit for being hurt. I can only imagine what kind of personal issue was behind such crass indifference to a friend in need.
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I am so sorry you had to go through this trauma and then be denied the simple comforts of friendship. I can certainly understand why it would still hurt. {{{hugs}}}
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I can’t imagine doing that to someone I call ‘Friend’ – hell, I’d have a tough time doing that to a stranger.
Just know that you have a place in my home anytime you need it.
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I think there are two Holy Grails. One contains the blood of Jesus or whatever it it, and the other is a box of answers. You open the box and every question you can imagined is provided with a logical, soulful, thorugh response.
One question I would ask is “why do people view friendship so differently?”
Last fall something happened to my wife and I that I will write about eventually. It shattered all of our beliefs regarding friendship, kindness, care, and attention from others. Tey were “friends”. They’re not anymore.
I know the hurt you felt then and still feel today. It would be easy to explain that some people are just peculiar and particular about stuff inside their homes and thus arent’ comfortable with others. That’s bull and we both know it.
Thanks for sharing, Tara.
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Wow, I was shocked at the lack of empathy – I didn’t see it coming as I read this. It hurts.
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I’m so sorry you and your family had to live through that agonizing season of life, and fully understand the need to not recount the details. Good boundaries, and it did not detract from your storytelling at all, btw. I think I would feel exactly the same way about the people who denied your husband’s request to stay with them, and I would probably still be bitter about it many years later. I’m so sorry your family was treated that way.
Thank you for sharing this part of your story with us.
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