With all the goings on surrounding my daughter and her recent graduation, her pending grad school plans and the inevitable moving out of our family home, I fear my son is getting lost in all the sibling adoration.
The Boy has had more than his share of set backs in the last few years, struggling in school and through life in general. When his dad and I approved his request to withdraw from high school last year, to instead help him earn his GED, we set in motion a course of events we couldn’t stop.
At the time, with the support of his counselors and doctors, his dad and I believed we made the right choice. I still feel it was the right choice, but there are so many typical teen moments he’ll never experience. I realized all this at the time, and he told us he was happy with the decision, but I have a niggling feeling of regret.
I overheard him tell a friend recently that he sometimes wished he was back in high school because he was missing out on so many things. He’ll never attend a homecoming dance, or a prom. He won’t walk the stage with his high school peers, he may never walk the stage to earn a college degree.
A few years ago, in a rare moment he confided in me that his adolescent animosity toward his sister was mainly because of the seemingly effortless way she coasted through life. School was easy, friendships were easy, EVERYTHING was easy and his medical issues were keeping him from functioning in some of the most basic ways.
Since leaving high school, my son has been attending tech school, maintaining good grades and rarely missing class. It’s been an amazing transformation, but lately I watch him, watching his sister. Since she’s been away at school, their relationship has improved dramatically. I think the distance, and his own positive educational accomplishments, have tempered his resentment.
I make sure to tell him often how proud I am of him too, proud of how hard he’s been working, of how far he has come.
He’s not much for sharing, so I don’t know how all the attention his sister is getting is affecting him, if he feels overwhelmed by her continuing good fortune. I have to wonder if he’s disappointed that all this may never be his, and I feel guilty about my part in taking that away from him.
Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.
Thin spiral notebook 
This was a very touching post Tara. You have to know that you have and still are doing everything you belive is right for your son…and that is all you need to do….besides loving him and supporting him in every way. He’s sounding very happy to me…and has accomplished so much. He should be so proud of what he’s done….and you should be proud of helping him get there.
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You know? That’s just wrong. You’ve made decisions for him that were made in his best interests. Those decision have taken him down a different path. Not a lesser path – just different. You’re giving him the best shot you can at a “normal” life – don’t EVER kick yourself for that.
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As someone who is an outsider looking in, I can tell you that you absolutely made the right decision for him at the time & should not beat yourself up. He had made HUGE changes & has really started thriving, which shows that what you did was okay 🙂 don’t blame yourself if this is what will help him succeed!
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I think he’s just getting older, and maturing to a point where he can see that it’s not a competition. No matter how hard we try, it’s just too easy to compare when siblings are young and growing up together. I think they’re going to end up being the best of friends.
And also as he gets older, he will discover more and more people who also felt different in childhood, for one reason or another. He’s doing so well now, what’s clear to me is that he’s going to find his own place in the world to thrive.
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I think you are doing a wonderful job with him- being aware of how he’s feeling and letting him know he’s important, too.
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This made me cry a little. My son (although much younger) is the middle child and only boy. I often worry he gets lost in the shuffle of all things girly. Each child is so different. How do you know if you are being the best parent to each of them all the time?
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Can we ever truly find the balance? It’s so difficult to find the answers every time. I think in the end you truly did what was right for him…either way there would be regrets. You’re a great mom and show it by the mere fact that you do worry about these things 🙂
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Raising kids is so very hard.
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This is a hard thing to handle. Its so wonderful to see both of your children doing well, but hard not to make one feel bad at the others accomplishments. They are starting to have a better friendship though. That happened for my sister and I too after I left for college.
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You seem very supportive even though you regret too what he is missing out on. Hopefully his current accomplishments will soon outweight what he has missed. It sounds like he is on the right track to becoming a content and responsible adult and that should make you proud!
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