I hoped for something a little more majestic. An eagle or hawk perhaps. If it had to be a shore bird why not a heron or even pelican. Everyone loves pelicans.
Not this. Why did I have to be a seagull this time around. The one bird that is alternately despised as flying vermin or ridiculed as a dimwitted clown.
It’s true… gulls are dumb as rocks and eat almost anything. I can’t subsist on a diet of cold french fries and stale crackers. All the flock wants to do is beg tourists for food and splatter parked cars with guano. They fancy themselves urban artists. That’s just a load of crap.
I’ve got to worry about getting caught in fishing nets or entangled in trash floating in the water. Ralph drowned just yesterday with the plastic rings from a six-pack wrapped around his neck. It was a humiliating death.
And the kids! Damn! I can’t enjoy a little peace and quiet on the beach, digging for mussels, without some maniacal kid chasing after me with a pail. I’m not available for pet adoption, back off brat!
It’s not all bad though.
I do get to fly. Skidding over the ocean at breakneck speeds. I can catch a thermal and ride it for hours. The view from up there is amazing.
The weather’s nice here too, warm pretty much year ‘round. No long flights south. There’s no one trying to shoot me and hang me in their den, or stuff and roast me for a holiday dinner.
I do have all the fresh seafood I want, if fast food isn’t my thing.
It could be worse. I could have come back as a pigeon.
Makes me think of the gulls on Finding Nemo: “Mine, mine … mine, mine, mine … mine!”
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I enjoyed this read a lot. Maybe this one knows Jonathon? 😉
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such a philosophical gull 🙂
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*snort* love it. And YES that philosophy is one I need to keep reminding myself of. But the cold french fries and stale crackers? Blech.
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What a clever and hysterical take on the prompt. Very fun piece.
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Such a clever interpretation of the prompt. Love how he changes his attitude slowly over the course of the piece, lets go of the angst he had in the beginning, and looks at life through a brighter lens at the end. Excellent writing, as always. Thanks for sharing.
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We have the coolest birds here, they’re called Blue Footed Boobies and their feet are actually BLUE! The sound they make is like a whistle… They’re awesome.
This reminded me of Jonathan Livingston Seagull – one of the most inspiring book I’ve ever read! Great take on the prompt.
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you know what’s funny, I have been reading all your posts about seagulls and I have been hesitating to write. My mom, LOVES Seagulls. She finds them pretty..and likes that they eat whatever is leftover.
her beach house is full of seagulls…and she is big fan of saying things like “me too!” when I am wearing something, eating something, reading something that she’d like as well.
hey at least they get to enjoy the beach. 😉
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It is a universal truth that nothing is ever – EVER – so bad that it cannot be worse.
Nice post, though! You made us relate to the sea gull’s world in no time at all!
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