Should she, or shouldn’t she

I find myself in a dilemma, in a situation where I have a choice between what I want to do and what I probably should do.

It’s been like Old Home Week around here lately. I’ve reconnected with old friends that I haven’t seen or talked to in years. Even better, these reunions have all been good, and that’s where some of my indecision lies.

For about 10 years, I studied taekwondo. It became not only a sport I excelled in, it became an obsession (if you listen to my peeps.) I trained 5-6 times a week, for hours a day. I rose to 3rd degree Black Belt, and was ranked in the Top Ten in both state and national competitions. I was also nationally recognized for my tournament judging.

The people I trained with, and competed with, were my friends, they were my second family. If I wasn’t taking a class, I was teaching one. If there was a tournament within driving distance I was there. I was in the best shape of my life while training – strong, confident, disciplined.

That all changed about four years ago… when I abruptly quit. I had completed the required training to test for my Fourth Degree. I was two months away from attaining that goal, and I simply walked way. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and one of the very few things I have ever regretted.

But, it was something I had to do.

That was then…

One of my former training partners called me this week. She and I came up through the ranks and even competed in the same division at tournaments. I admired her skill, and dreaded taking a punch from her.

She now owns two schools and invited me to return to the fold.

When I left taekwondo in 2008, it was because I had a falling out with our instructor. He had done something that I thought was not only unbelievably disrespectful, but also jeopardized the job I had at the time. He acted as if it was nothing for me to be angry about. Instead, it was the last of many such insults and I simply couldn’t continue at his school.

My friend was only told I quit, but not why. I found out many things during our afternoon together. Other ways that we both were deceived and taken for granted.

The dilemma now is whether to return. She’s offered me a chance to just workout at one of her schools, or to begin training again. She wants to help me remaster the forms, re-establish my status as a competitor and even be an instructor again if I want. I could be ready to test for my next rank within six months.

I just don’t know if I can do it all again. Leaving was incredibly painful. I would have to basically start over again. Not only re-learning everything I’ve forgotten, and but also taking on new material. It could easily become overwhelming. I’m also afraid my family won’t want me to go back, knowing how badly I was treated before.

The idea is still very tempting. I kept my tournament uniform. I wonder if it still fits.

Posted by

I believe all good fiction includes an element of truth, and all good photography includes an element of fantasy. In this journal I hope to give voice to the stories swirling around in my head, and to capture the images I see through my camera’s lens.

20 thoughts on “Should she, or shouldn’t she

  1. You need to do this. It’s your “thing”… that thing you loved and excelled at. Clearly it gave you joy. You need to find your way around the hurdles that have kept you away and get back to this on your own terms.


  2. Tara, you write so lovingly of the art, of your physical and mental abilities, and the friendships you built through your exposure. Those are such meaningful things in this life…don’t let another person’s behavior steal those from you! I know this sounds counter-intuitive, but you must forgive the instructor! He has moved on. He probably doesn’t give to shakes about you. He doesn’t carry the baggage of what he did to you in the past. But by not forgiving, YOU are suffering. You are doing without something that means so much to you. Don’t let him take one more moment of joy from you life! Get back in there, do it for YOU, but know that one day sweet revenge will be yours when you show the instructors that he has no power over your life or your choices!!!


  3. Good luck with your decision Tara, but I think your heart WANTS to and I don’t mess with my heart, I just Go. That said, I think a little at a time and you’ll be able to know if it’s something you will do OFTEN or WHENEVER. either way, YOU WIN.

    love that picture of you.


  4. You should definitely give it a chance. Start slow and build upon it as the flame is rekindled, if it is. Only one way to find out and that is to give it a shot. Do it while the body is able to do so and really try to enjoy yourself. Also, I’m going to hire you into my secret ninja group.


Join the discussion...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.