I’m feeling a little twitchy today, so while in a mood, I’m going to get something off my chest.
Just as parents, siblings, family and friends of children with mental challenges abhor the word ‘retarded’ used as a derisive adjective, I take an exception with people throwing Attention Deficit Disorder/Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD/ADHD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) around without really knowing what these mean. They are not minor annoyances, they are serious thought disorders that can totally disrupt your life.
ADD/ADHD is real and can be debilitating in the extreme. It’s not simply a matter of having a short attention span, or being easily distracted… it is so much more than that.
It’s not being able to focus on routine tasks, not being able to complete anything that requires your full attention, it’s feeling out of control and not knowing why.
Homework/housework/any task can’t be done because you have a need to always be moving, you literally cannot sit still. You have to read and reread page after page because you can’t absorb the information, or you get off task by a noise, or other thoughts, and have to start over again.
ADHD is not being able to turn off all the external stimulus around you. You are bombarded by sights, sounds, smells, everything… there is no ignoring these factors, you are compelled to pay heed to each of them, all at once. And when you can’t, you cease to be able to do the task at hand. You can’t concentrate on one thing, because you have to concentrate on everything.
OCD is NOT just a desire for order. It is not simply wanting to put the cans of food in your pantry in alphabetic order.
It’s putting the cans in ABC order and if one is out of line, thinking you will die, knowing you will die. It’s going back into your pantry a dozen times a day to make sure the cans are still in order, it’s not leaving your house because you believe ‘someone’ will come into your home while you’re gone and arrange your cans and knowing you will die.
OCD is a force out of your control, it is not something you want to do, it’s something you HAVE to do.
At the extreme, OCD can completely take over your life. You are held hostage by your rituals, by the ‘voices’ telling you what to do, by the overwhelming need to clean, touch, arrange, collect… it is not something you can turn off whenever you want or feel mildly guilty if you don’t put away your laundry as soon as you fold it.
I do not suffer from either of these thought disorders, but I dearly love someone who does. I would not wish them on my worst enemy. Each of these, by themselves, has wreaked havoc on our family, together they have brought us to the brink of collapse.
Please, find another way to describe a lack of focus or your desire for neatness… unless you are truly dealing with ADHD or OCD, you really have no idea.
*Reposted as part of Pour Your Heart Out at Things I Can’t Say. Originally published June 8, 2010 at IMSO.
Thin spiral notebook 
Awesome post! These conditions change your life…as the sufferer and the loved one. I agree with Living the Balanced Life, too. My husband is bipolar and it’s not a joke. It has, like you said, “brought us to the brink of collapse.”
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This is an awesome post. Deeply meaningful to me. Thank you.
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I can tell you first hand, my husband’s ADHD has been a serious sore point in our marriage when he refuses to take his medication and stay on the path with it. It’s hard to hear others use the word so loosely.
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As a mom with ADD, and having two children who also suffer and struggle with ADD/ADHD I can attest that it can cripple daily tasks. Simple things. The most mundane tasks that others take for granted can literally take all day to get accomplished. Not being able to finish anything ever, can make you feel like a failure as a person, as a wife, and most importantly as a mom.
Thanks for sticking up for your loved one!
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Fantastic post. I tend to use the term of OCD a bit, as I think that some children grow out of the general aspects and mine has some of those traits, many children do at a young age as order is what helps them function and grow … And so do I, have twinges of it. I know it’s there, but saying a “touch” of OCD is not acceptable, so I try to explain it better.
But I never use it without respect, and I know that there are people who have this disorder to a full extent and seriously suffer from it, as do those who love them. I truly appreciate your perspective and the time you took to educate the bloggy world on these. Thank you.
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I know what you mean! These words aren’t funny.
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Thank you for this reminder! My daughter is seriously affected by ADHD. It has caused disruption to so many parts of her life and to the lives of me and her brother.
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Oh, this is SO true. People use these terms when they don’t really mean them. My personal pet peeve- when people joke about someone “eating lead chips as a baby” b/c my child has lead poisoning and it’s definitely not a joke.
Tweeted this post- more people need to read it!
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I linked up from Pour Your Heart Out, saw your title, and knew immediately I had to read your post! I have ADHD and I hate the misperception that I’m like a kid who has had too much sugar and a little bit of exercise would just solve all my issues, or if I just focus, it’ll all be okay. Thank you for advocating on behalf of your loved one!
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Good one Tara. Another one I hear the kids using a lot these days is bipolar. It is a term they toss about, describing their friends who change their mind on a whim. Drives me insane. I know several who are bipolar (and after seeing Charlie Sheen on national TV, whew!) Bipolar is not just about a typical swinging of the moods.
Bernice
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