When I was a kid, Sundays were always church days at the insistence of my born and bred Southern Baptist mother. The only thing that got me out of attending services was if I was sick. I was hardly ever sick.
As I got older, I attended church unforced, and was very active in the youth groups. Once I was out of my mother’s house, college age, I attended on my own. Finding a church I was comfortable with and where I would eventually marry.
Since I married, I haven’t attended church much. I’ve become disillusioned by organized religion, even more so in recent years. Despite my reluctance, I did take my kids to services when they were young.
My daughter would attend more with friends than with me, and my son never enjoyed Sunday School. After a while, I stopped going, but didn’t discourage either of my kids if they wanted to join friends at local services.
I wanted them to come of age, and make their own choices about religion. All along they have been exposed to my beliefs, and I’ve tried to answer any questions they have without forcing those beliefs on them.
This week, my son has been attending a church revival with one of his close friends, and to be honest, I am concerned. I’m familiar with the denomination, and the church, and it’s pretty standard. But, I’m also remembering ‘fire and brimstone’ revivals I had to attend as a kid. They can be very intense, especially for a kid who has no idea what to expect.
I know this is my bias, and I tried not to taint him with my fears… and it is fear.
The Boy has what I call Placebo-Effect tendencies. He is easily suggestible and I worry that a hard-sell evangelist will literally scare the hell out of him. For a kid with phobias and an anxiety disorder he can be very vulnerable.
I don’t want to tell him he can’t go. He needs to be able to go places with his friends without me. I can’t shelter him forever, and as far as sketchy places go, church isn’t the worst place to be. He also needs to be exposed to things that may trigger his anxiety and find ways to deal with that on his own. I’m still worried for him.
When he left, I told him if he had any questions when he got home, I’d be happy to talk with him. He’s not a talker, so I’m not holding out for a deep, philosophical discussion with him. I’m just hoping that he enjoyed the experience and won’t be up all night afraid to go to sleep.
Thin spiral notebook 
I grew up Jewish and my husband was raised Catholic. While neither of us are particularly religious, we try to expose the boys to both religions.
My eldest will be in High School next year and we are considering an all-boys Catholic school for academic purposes. There is a small student population that is not Catholic and while they are not required to participate in rituals, the boys must attend some services. This is the part of the school that my child is a bit uncomfortable with but is not a “deal-breaker”.
We had a conversation about what religion my son identifies with. He told me he believes in Karma. If you do something bad, it will come back to you. I was also able to voice some of my concerns.
It is such a relief to find out that your child is better grounded than you expected and that most of your fears are unnecessary.
LikeLike
You’re right the mommy stuff is hard. Knowing he can talk to you is a great gift to give a child.
LikeLike
It’s hard letting go – especially when you can see so easily what the problems could be. That’s a rough one, but fingers crossed he enjoys it and comes back happy with the experience. My husband’s told me about some of those (apparently they have them in southern IL but not where I grew up in land of Lutherans).
LikeLike
I hope, out of everything, he just had a good time being outside of the house with friends, without being fearful.
LikeLike
Maybe the whole fire & brimstone thing has mellowed over the years. I hope so, anyway. I hope that it is a positive and uplifting experience for him.
I’m impressed that he’s chosen such an activity on his own. I fell away from church a few years ago, and no one in my family has expressed one bit of interest in church or religion since. I feel guilty about that.
LikeLike
Church is a very hard place if you are prone to worry like I am. I hope he talks about his fears with you.
Amelia asked about why some people think Jesus is important at Easter. I told her the story. Her response that Jesus is a zombie.
LikeLike
You’ve got to have faith that he will be just fine Tara. It’s the hardest lesson to learn when it comes to your kids…but it’s life’s cycle. We always worry about our kids….time doesn’t change it. It’s forever, so don’t be too hard on yourself. ~Joy
LikeLike
I hope he manages to get through the ‘Revival’ undamaged. I know how sometimes a preacher can get into ‘the fervor’ and scare the heck out of someone. That said – it’s funny that this is your topic, today. Last night I was forced to consider all of this as I was adding some detail to my Facebook profile and I answered the question about religion. And it wasn’t easy.
LikeLike
One of my biggest problems with ‘religion’ is reconciling the idea of a benevolent and loving God for those few ‘true believers’ with an eternity of suffering and damnation for those who worship God differently than they do. For a kid who battles with irrational fears, being told he will burn in hell forever because he hasn’t completed some ritual to ‘their’ satisfaction can be overwhelming. It can be overwhelming for any adult. I struggle with my beliefs constantly. You’re right, it’s not easy.
He seemed fine when he got home last night, so I can begin to worry about something else.
LikeLike
Is there any way you can go and sit in the back, away from him? (Obviously telling him first that you’re going) At least then you’d know *exactly* what he’s experiencing, even though you are familiar with the denomination and church. It might ease your fears…
LikeLike
I thought about that, even asked him if that would be okay… naw, I think he was more concerned about how it would look having his mommy keeping tabs on him. I did tell him (since he drove himself) that if he felt uneasy it was fine if he wanted to leave. He was good with that plan.
I think it all went pretty well. Another instance when my worry was probably for nothing.
LikeLike
This is a tough one; I worry when my kids travel to their grandparents to visit without me because of similar experiences. But, I can’t be everywhere they are, forever.
LikeLike
That’s it exactly. I keep trying to get him to work on ways to work through his anxiety and here I am wanting to keep him from doing just that. This mommy stuff is complicated.
LikeLike