There are days when I feel that I am hiding away from the world. I refuse to leave my home, often neglecting simple niceties, making it easier to rationalize my need for my self-imposed solitude.
Avoiding windows, ignoring doorbells, screening calls – hoping it’s no one important who would necessitate actual conversation.
There is just too much to deal with, so I don’t deal with it at all.
Any time I venture out of my safe haven, I feel a little lost. As if I’m on furlough and under constant scrutiny. That I’m being judged and falling short.
Only when I’m away from other people, off on a solitary trek, do I relax. Away from judgement, away from having to live up to a standard I can never attain.
If it weren’t for people depending on me, I know that some days I would never get out of bed.