Sorting through my closet often turns up all sort of forgotten treasures. A simple thinning-the-herd chore turned into a moment of happy sentimentality.
My mother is an accomplished artist. Her medium of choice is watercolors, but she also creates lovely Pen and Ink drawings, and acrylic paintings.
When I was pregnant with my daughter, I asked if she would paint something for me to celebrate my pending motherhood. Knowing my sometimes warped sense of humor, she gave me a way to tell the world that I had “a bun in the oven.”
While pulling things out of my closet, I found the top she painted for me – a vision of my baby waving from behind her oven window.
The top is one of only a few things I’ve kept from my children’s early years – my daughter turns 23 this summer. (Gawd, that’s hard to say out loud.) I have no expectation that she would want to wear it when she begins her own family. I can’t give it up though. I’ll be 103 and still have it tucked away in a closet or dresser drawer somewhere.
Finding the painting, and the memories it brought up, just added to a sense of lost I’ve been experiencing lately. My kids are becoming more and more independent, and while that is what every parent hopes for, it’s not as easy as you think it might be. When you define yourself as a mother, when that part of your identity so drastically changes, there is that ‘what do I do now’ response.
So, what do I do now?
Thin spiral notebook 
My oldest is turning 26 this month, but fortunately I have his 14 & 12 year old sisters to keep me from dwelling too long and hard. My first instinct to what you do now was the same as someone else, write!
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I had a really tough time with my kids reaching the age when they had lives of their own and hearing them say “my home” and knowing it was someplace other than where I lived. I have a very full life, great husband, great friends, great activities. For me it’s not about finding ways to fill my time. It’s about the shift from being mom as integral part of the family dynamic to taking on a secondary role. For example, holidays, now, are just as apt to be held at their houses as at mine. I love that they are self-sufficient, happily partnered and have fulfilling lives. But I’ll admit, I rejoyce when any of them calls to run something by me or to ask my advice. And when my 35 year old daughter (and mother of two) isn’t feeling well, she will revert to calling me “Mommy.” My heart soars.
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What a great memory and precious memento of your pregnancy.
I’m right there with you in that “what do I do now” state of mind. It’s been suggested that the hubby and I go on more dates… and maybe plan a vacation. I guess it takes some effort to move beyond this stage.
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HA! It being an oven window isn’t apparent unless you know the story, but once you do, what a hoot!
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So when I first saw the title in my inbox I thought you might be sharing some news!! Things will change for sure but maybe not as much as you think. I am 32 with kids of my own and I still call mama when I don’t feel good!
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I guess you write. 🙂 I think your Mom’s sense of humor is fantastic, and that picture is adorable.
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I guess you just bide your time until you get to be a grandma and then the fun begins anew 🙂
Love the shirt, that is so freaking cute!
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Oh honey. You live and feel pride that you have taught them to fend for themselves. That they’ve grown up with your teachings. That memories have been created. That you are doing a wonderful job.
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Tara, today I found myself searching for a photo, which led to unearthing my own treasures from the past. My “baby” also turns 23 this summer and your post was a direct reflection of my own thoughts. We keep being moms, but we stand back and beam as we watch them dance on their own. I always enjoy your posts, but find camaraderie and comfort in today’s! And I love your mom’s whimsical take on “bun in the oven”!
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I get this post so much. My oldest turned 18 last week. I thought it would be a day to rejoice. Instead I was so, so sad thinking of how much time stretches between my pregnancy, her birth, her childhood, and today. I cannot wrap my mind around the idea that an era has ended. She is mostly independent and ready to take on the world. It’s an aspect of motherhood I could not have anticipated.
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