Bun in the oven

Sorting through my closet often turns up all sort of forgotten treasures. A simple thinning-the-herd chore turned into a moment of happy sentimentality.

My mother is an accomplished artist. Her medium of choice is watercolors, but she also creates lovely Pen and Ink drawings, and acrylic paintings.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I asked if she would paint something for me to celebrate my pending motherhood. Knowing my sometimes warped sense of humor, she gave me a way to tell the world that I had “a bun in the oven.”

While pulling things out of my closet, I found the top she painted for me – a vision of my baby waving from behind her oven window.

Bun in the oven

The top is one of only a few things I’ve kept from my children’s early years – my daughter turns 23 this summer. (Gawd, that’s hard to say out loud.) I have no expectation that she would want to wear it when she begins her own family. I can’t give it up though. I’ll be 103 and still have it tucked away in a closet or dresser drawer somewhere.

Finding the painting, and the memories it brought up, just added to a sense of lost I’ve been experiencing lately. My kids are becoming more and more independent, and while that is what every parent hopes for, it’s not as easy as you think it might be. When you define yourself as a mother, when that part of your identity so drastically changes, there is that ‘what do I do now’ response.

So, what do I do now?

17 thoughts on “Bun in the oven

  1. That shirt is ADORABLE.
    I don’t know what you do now except keep writing and taking pictures, and easing yourself into anything else that you start to find interesting. (It looks good on the screen, anyway. 🙂 )

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  2. When my oldest turned eighteen I cried for three hours that started in the shower, and when I couldn’t stop crying I finally got out of the shower. I love being a mom and I couldn’t believe it was time for her to move on to be on her own already. My heart ached for her to be a little girl again and I could undo all the mistakes I felt I had made. I finally saw that when both my daughters were gone I had to finally look at myself. I had to decide what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life. I focused more on me and what I wanted. Now I have grandchildren and I am loving it. My oldest is now 30 yrs old. I can’t hardly believe it.

    I hope you discover your true self and it sets you free to do all the things you love most.

    Peace,
    Morgan

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  3. I was really confused at first. When you said she painted a top, I took that litterally and thought it was a top … you know, one of those toys that spin round and round. So when you wondered if you daughter would ever wear it, I had to re-read it all over again. 🙂

    But then I got it. I’m not too swift on the uptake 🙂

    Fortunately, my kids are still babies (yes, 9 is a baby!) so I have a great long while to think about this, so I can’t really give you any good advice.

    I will say that I like painting, very cute.

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  4. While mine is only 19 and me being a boy (obviously) I think the best thing to do is keep in the back of your mind that you will always be a parent. It never stops, much like the time that goes by.

    Plus? You get to look forward to grandkids! ;D

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