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A little lost

There are days when I feel that I am hiding away from the world. I refuse to leave my home, often neglecting simple niceties, making it easier to rationalize my need for my self-imposed solitude.

Avoiding windows, ignoring doorbells, screening calls – hoping it’s no one important who would necessitate actual conversation.

There is just too much to deal with, so I don’t deal with it at all.

Any time I venture out of my safe haven, I feel a little lost. As if I’m on furlough and under constant scrutiny. That I’m being judged and falling short.

Only when I’m away from other people, off on a solitary trek, do I relax. Away from judgement, away from having to live up to a standard I can never attain.

If it weren’t for people depending on me, I know that some days I would never get out of bed.

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12 replies »

  1. Most creative types have have that push for solitude imbedded somewhere in their DNA string. I’m looking down at my white ankle socks with holes on the bottom and grubby knit pants, and thinking about Patti’s hair…
    If misery loves company, you have more than you’d care to.


  2. Candor :-) I think most of us go there on occasion. It’s important for me to balance my “alone time” with socialization. I lean to the lone wolf side of things more often than not.


  3. I don’t know if this is fiction or reality, Tara. But in either case, you’re not alone.There are days i really don’t feel like any of the “social intercourse” that is required when you venture out. I always get out of bed. But some days, I don’t get dressed.

    Perhaps this is why I’ve never been seduced by Skype. As I write this, I sit here in slipper socks and a caftan. And we’re not even gonna talk about my hair…


    • This is why I like you so much, you get it. Skype doesn’t appeal to me either, for those same reasons. Most days I stay in my pjs, hair pulled into a ponytail, no make up… a social misfit.


  4. I had a conversation earlier today with someone. I told them, as much as I love my family, I would like to have a day by myself, with no noise or responsiblities to find myself.

    This post hit me at just the right time. You have a partner in wonder.


    • As sad and pathetic as it sounds, there have been times that I’ve been brought to tears because I thought I wouldn’t be able to get away on one of my weekly photo hikes. I adore my family, but depend on those days to decompress.



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