Ranty McRant

Tailgating

I finally broke down and found a camera shop that could clean my Nikon without having to give her up for a week. The withdrawal would have been too severe. (I also discovered that I should NEVER try to clean it myself ~ bad juju can ensue.) That meant while I waited, I spent half a day in Big City randomingly driving around, aimlessly ambling through a couple of malls; arguing with Lee, my Aussie GPS tour guide; and rummaging through musty antique (read: junk) shops.

It also gave me an opportunity to embrace my inner curmudgeon spirit animal. I think it’s a grey-muzzled squirrel. Much more grouchy than some dumb Honey Badger.

Some much-needed purging of ranty-McRant energy is necessary… for your reading pleasure, some insights from my trip to Big City:

Banks ~
If you are going to make a transaction at the drive-thru ATM, please have all the paperwork done ahead of time.

Seriously, do not sit there for 10 minutes while filling out your deposit slip, then pulling a deposit envelope out of the drawer, then endorsing the check, putting it in the envelope, signing the envelope, inserting it into the deposit slot, grabbing the receipt, sitting in your car and rearranging your wallet ~ as four cars pile up behind you in line.

THEN, once you FINALLY get the hell out of the way, don’t park your oversized soccer mom van at the parking lot exit, blocking the driveway so all those people behind you who only took 30 second to finish their transactions can’t get around you, while you continue to file your paperwork in your Dooney & Bourke checkbook knock-off.

Fast-food drive thru ~
It’s not necessary to have your brights on while creeping through Micky D’s #1 window at dinner time, there’s nothing to see there folks.

The position you’ve managed to get into behind me puts the beams from your headlights shining directly in my side/rearview mirror, and stays there for the excruciatingly long five minutes we are in line waiting for our heart-attack sandwiches. It’s totally permissible to turn off your headlights, or at least turn them down to your parking lights.

I turn my lights down, you turns yours down, the guy behind you turns his down… everybody wins, and no one’s corneas are burnt out.

Speaking the truth ~
Once again for those who were absent the day we discussed this the last time… just because you think something, just because you CAN say it…. doesn’t mean you have to. Knowing when NOT to speak your mind is NOT the same as lying.

Because you think it’s true doesn’t make it right, and continuing to tell people they’re going to hell because they don’t agree with you, also isn’t right.

Ten items or less ~ 
Ten means ten. Not that all 137 ingredients it takes to make dinner counts as one item, or that because that line is shorter and you want to get out of the grocery store faster the limit is waived, or because you’re a butt head you can get into any damn line you want rule supersedes the express lane rule.

It’s a little thing I know, even bordering on petty… but you’re not entitled to special privileges, nor is your time more important than mine therefore you should be able to do whatever you want.

And… cashier? Get a spine and tell these morons to get out of the express lane.

Fast lane and bright light ~
You know who his is ~ the asshat who comes out of friggin’ nowhere, racing like a bat out of hell, bearing down on your back bumper so close you can smell his breath.

If I’m in the left lane, it’s for a reason. Either I’m getting around slower traffic, or trying to find a less jarring side of the highway. You have to get in so far up my tailpipe that I can see only your windshield in my rearview mirror, then flash your bright lights at me?

Dumbass! If I could get over I would. If I could get over then you should be able to get around me…. don’t be a jerk.

I’m usually very good about keeping a check on who’s behind me and will get out of other drivers’ way, but this, this kind of stuff just makes me want to gear down to the exact speed limit and not change lanes for any reason, except if I can cut you off behind an even slower moving car.

I am the Queen of passive aggression.

Spilling it all

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

14 replies »

  1. *giggle* You own my heart. SO much my pet peeves, too. And I try to hard to show the wee ones how when I do things, I’m thinking about others and how it impacts them, too. We’ll see if that sticks with them as they grow.

    Oh and the things that REALLY make my day? It’s when the cashier DOES make the person get out of line and go elsewhere. Or when the gate agent at the airline makes the people in group 4 NOT board when it’s still just group 1. #ihatestupidpeople

    Like

  2. BWAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH. I laughed so hard when I read this because it made me think of how I felt last night at CVS. Some douche bag was arguing about his rx amount and it took 45 MINUTES for the other Pharmacist to realize that we were all waiting behind the douchebag. REALLY? Just pay your @#$^%$@# COPAY AND GO.

    I love this so much, I think I’ll do one for my own blog. Maybe Insurance 101 v 3.0 hahahah.

    Like

  3. Oh, that felt good. I feel like I just let off a bunch of steam just by reading that. I had that asshat guy on my bumper as I was getting out of downtown this afternoon. The freeway entrance I use has a nice lead-in to the freeway but requires the entering traffic to merge. You HAVE to. The lane ends. And some hillbilly in a pick-up truck decides he didn’t want to let me in and when he was forced to let me in due to traffic in front of AND behind me needing to merge too, he rode my bumper. I ranted at him in my rearview mirror and I’m pretty sure he could tell it was him I was giving an ass-chewing.

    Like

  4. preach it.

    and this? I love this: “It also gave me an opportunity to embrace my inner curmudgeon spirit animal. I think it’s a grey-muzzled squirrel. Much more grouchy than some dumb Honey Badger.”

    Like

  5. I used to hate passive-aggression. Until I learned how much fun it is to be passive-aggressive :) I think headlights are much brighter on newer models, and it’s really f**ing annoying. It’s particularly hard on us non-SUV drivers when an SUV’s lights are RIGHT in our eyes!

    Like

  6. 1) I refuse to use the self checkout at the grocery store. I work for a living at a real job. I raise 3 girls and I manage to keep a wife happy 72.3 percent of the time. I’m tired. YOU check me out. Thta’s not diva behavior. You don’t see asking for people to hire contractors ot build towers, I do that. So when cashiers refuse to get other lines open and direct me to the self checkout, I want to fight.

    2) If you blog, tweet, facebook, whatever, stop bitching about it. It’s the dayum internets. It will be here when you get back. Take a break. If I read one more post or tweet about quitting or how blogging is hard I’m going to post that person’s real name and blog address and blast them. Shut up and write or shut up and don’t.

    Also….I love your writing lately.

    Like

So, tell me what you really think:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s