The difference a day makes

A new day

Spent about an hour last night reading through some old posts from an idle blog of mine. I used to write a lot about the initial onset of my son’s mental health issues, about the guilt I felt about not being able to do much to help him, and general all around ranting and raving.

I was one very angry woman. A year, 18 months ago, I was in a perpetual state of being homicidally pissed off at everyone and everything.

That seems like a lifetime ago.

My son was going through a transition. He was forced to drop out of school and was in a very scary place where we couldn’t reach him.

Back then I was constantly on the verge of tears. I felt powerless to help my son. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, only stumbling blocks and pitfalls. I was lost in my sorrow and impotence.

That was then…

Today, my son is attending technical school to learn a trade, he is managing his disorder and is talking about moving out to live on his own. And, I don’t feel like I need to hit something all the time. Life is still a struggle sometimes, but it’s okay. We’re learning, and growing, and making our way as best as we can.

My son is smiling again, and I can breathe again.

When I meet other parents who are just starting on this journey, receiving a diagnosis that changes their child’s life  and their own, I can confidently say, ‘it will get better.’ It may not seem that way right now, but they too will see that light some day soon.

You will all learn to cope, even thrive. You will find a way to carry on and hope won’t be an inconceivable concept any longer. There may even be laughter again. It may not be today, or even tomorrow, but it will happen.

I promise…

PYHO

Submitted as part of Shell’s “Pour Your Heart Out” writing prompt at Things I Can’t Say. Please stop by to read the other posts, and give a little comment love.

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25 replies »

  1. I’m bipolar, my kids are both on the autism spectrum, and my son probably has the bipolar as well. I’m thankful he’s found this at age 4, when we can still shape him alongside the disorder, so he doesn’t have to fight his way through figuring everything out by himself. I’m so glad your son is at a better place. I’m happy he is starting to think about his own future and figuring out his life. I’m happy for him, and I’m happy for you, because every success story gives me hope.

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  2. six years ago my son was doing meth and I was terrified we’d never get him back. We were lucky and he has been fine for years now. I will never forget how dark and helpless those days were though. I’m so glad to hear that your journey has come out to the light as well.

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  3. So glad you have found a better place. It sucks to be in such a funk all the time. (Granted I’ve not been in your shoes, but in my own way and issues, I can relate…I think…maybe?)

    Either way, I’m glad things are going well. :)

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  4. I love this post. In the midst … of our own journey now. As much as I say, “I’m ok – I’m not always.” and it is still a day to day sort of thing. Great post.

    And I’m thrilled about your son’s progress.

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  5. I am thrilled to read this. I remember reading those posts and the “ray of light” posts when he started technical school. I am thrilled that he’s doing better and that you are thriving too.

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  6. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel and I am happy to hear you’re feeling better, your son is better, everythings just improved.

    As you know I am not a parent, so I don’t know much about kids but I do know that your kids are lucky to have a mom like you and sometimes life is a struggle. An a**hole even but you give them love and you want to help them. That’s all they need to know.

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  7. I just wrote a post for tomorrow about where my son has come since leaving high school. I know your son’s and my son’s issues are different, but I always saw a few similarities in them. When you started writing about your son’s successes, it gave me hope. It’s taking my boy a little longer to find his way, but he’s getting there. Thank you for sharing both your joys and sorrows. It has helped me to continue to believe my boy will get to where he needs to go.

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  8. I’m so glad that you can look back at that time and know he is healing now. That’s awesome! I can so relate to all of these emotions! For so long worrying and studying and doing everything in my ability to help my so was my life. but, recently I see he needs me less. It’s a weird emotion.

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  9. Your writing expresses a sense of peace at where you are right now. You have grown into knowing what you’re dealing with and accepting, coping with what you have. I admire you. This is so important for others to read and learn from especially if they are just beginning a similar journey or if they are in the midst of it.

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  10. It’s so good to read this, Tara. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who will take great comfort from your words, experiences, and assurance.

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  11. I remember those days well. I think that anger was actually helpful. It spurred you to continue to act and fight for him. It gave you strength to support him. And he always knew you had his back. I’m so happy for you and your son!

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  12. So glad I read this today because I really needed to hear it – today of all days believe it or not. I sure hope we are able to get to where you guys are now because it’s real hard to believe at the moment. FYI – I’ll email you in a day or so with updated news. Just glad you had/have someone to vent too – not having that makes it so much more difficult…..

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  13. I remember that time. I remember numerous phone calls, tears and anger. But you pushed through it. You worked through your emotions one step at a time, and you inspired me to do the same with my life. You have taught me to love unconditionally, and my respect and admiration for both you AND WK has grown tremendously.

    You should be so proud of yourself. And proud of your son. You have both come such a long way, together.

    xo

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    • You have to know that you had a huge part in helping me get to this point. You taught me how to live for today and not worry so much about the things I can’t change. Thank you so much!

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  14. So glad to read this. I remember meeting you right after some of that occurring. You didn;’t seem angry as much as frustrated.

    I’m just glad he;s better and you’re coping. You and Bobina have a lot in common, dealing with people you love who struggle with their minds.

    virtual hug

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